9 Powerful Intimacy Exercises to Feel More Connected
Picture this: you and your partner are an unstoppable team. You trust and support each other unconditionally. You feel safe, secure, and totally loved up. And you know that whatever comes your way, the two of you will conquer it, together.
That’s the magic of an emotionally-connected relationship.
But here’s the catch – it doesn’t happen by chance.
Even in our own marriage, there are times when we’re distracted and don’t feel as close as we’d like to. But we’re careful not to neglect our relationship for too long:
Left unchecked, a relationship with no emotional connection is at high risk of failure. And living in a relationship with no emotional intimacy is one of the loneliest feelings in the world.
The good news is that emotional intimacy is something you can easily nurture and develop, once you have the right skills:
To help get you started, here are nine emotional intimacy exercises to bring you closer together. They’ll help you learn more about each other’s inner worlds and deepen the connection between you.
But we won’t just rattle off a list of activities and send you on your way:
You’ll also learn the essential ingredients of emotional intimacy, so you can turn almost any activity into an exercise to build intimacy.
What Can Couples Do To Build Intimacy?
The secret to connection-creating activities is not so much what you’re doing, it’s how you’re doing it. This means you’ll be practicing two key concepts:
1. Being ‘intentional’
‘Intention’ means getting clear on why you’re doing what you’re doing. When it comes to marriage intimacy exercises, that intention is to connect. Aligning with that intention means you then set the internal and external stage for that to happen.
Practically, this looks like bringing yourself to these intimacy exercises with an open and curious mindset, and a spirit of collaboration and appreciation.
Take The Intimacy Quiz!
Which of the 5 Intimacy Types are you?
Take the two-minute quiz and discover how to
have more intimacy and deeper connection
in your relationship.
Start The Quiz Now ➜
(opens in new tab)
‘Presence’ is the state of being fully engaged in and experiencing the current moment. It means giving your complete focus to the here and now by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surroundings, with an open and non-judgmental attitude.
Because true intimacy happens in the real-time interactions between you and your partner. And that can only happen when you’re truly in the moment with them – not preoccupied with something else.
Practically, you want to remove any distractions and create a space where you’re here doing this and only this with each other.
Which also means: no phones. When you try to connect with someone and they keep looking at their phone, it’s disrespectful. And it hurts. Don’t be that person.
So no matter which intimacy exercises you try, make sure your phones are somewhere you can’t see them. (Seriously, the research* supports this. Even a phone face down on the table affects the quality of your interactions).
Now that you have some fundamentals down, let’s check out these step-by-step intimacy exercises for couples.
INTIMACY EXERCISES FOR COUPLES #1:
Photo Show & Tell
Right. We literally just finished saying to put your phones away 😆 We’ll make an exception for this exercise, just be sure to switch them to Do Not Disturb mode.
- Find a cozy spot where you can sit and relax together for 20 minutes or so.
- Take a few minutes to go through your photos individually. Pick out 3 each that represent a cherished relationship memory. (You don’t even have to be in the photo – just pick photos that bring up relationship memories).
- Next, take turns sharing a photo and talk about what it means to you. Recount the memory, how you felt, and why it’s a treasured or important moment for you.
- Discuss any themes or patterns that emerge as you look at your pictures together. Are there certain activities or places that you both enjoy? Are there particular emotions or experiences that are common across your photos?
- Once you’re finished, take a moment to give each other some love and appreciate the awesome relationship and life story you’re writing together.
.
✅ Why it works, and why we love it:
Reminiscing on your relationship memories is a fun way to re-live those moments and nurture your connection. It helps to reinforce your relationship story and strengthen your bond.
There’s another unexpected benefit here too:
A recent study* in the Journal of Psychophysiology found that couples who merely looked at photos of their partner experienced increased infatuation, attachment, and marital satisfaction.
The study showed that you don’t even have to try to cultivate those feelings. Simply seeing your partner’s face in a photo is enough to bring on the good feelings, and can be a simple practice to help keep the love alive long-term.
Cool, huh?
In our marriage, we’ll often play this intimacy-building exercise when we’re at a restaurant waiting for our meals. A quick scroll through our phone’s gallery and we’re giggling down memory lane. By the time our order arrives, we feel super connected, and the quality of our conversation is richer and more meaningful.
INTIMACY EXERCISES FOR COUPLES #2:
The Revealing Game
- Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit facing each other.
- Make eye contact and take a few deep breaths together. Feel the space between you, and notice what it feels like to be sitting together in this way.
- Pick one of these prompts as a way to open up and share your inner world with each other:
- Decide who will go first, and let that person speak for at least 5-10 minutes without interruption.
- After the first person has finished, switch roles. The second person can then pick the same prompt and speak for 5-10 minutes.
- After you’ve both had a chance to share, reflect on what you’ve learned about each other. You can also share any feelings that came up during the exercise.
- To help you go deeper, try asking some of these questions (not all will be relevant, depending on what topic you’re exploring) :
“Something on my heart and mind right now is…”
“Something I’m looking forward to is…”
“Something that’s been bringing me a lot of joy recently is…”
“Something I’ve been struggling with lately is…”
“Why is this important to you?”
“How does it reflect your dreams and desires?”
“How does this reflect who you are?”
“How would you like things to be?”
.
✅ Why it works, and why we love it:
The essence of emotional connection comes down to this:
Revealing your inner self to someone, and being seen, heard, and understood. This means you have to open up and talk to each other about the things happening inside you.
Research* shows that without personal disclosure, even people with lots of friends still feel lonely.
So unless you’re talking about yourself in an honest and meaningful way, you just won’t feel close.
Of course, ‘talking openly’ is only half the equation:
How well your partner listens, responds, and reflects an understanding is also crucial to emotional intimacy (what’s known as ‘reflective listening’).